Do you ever feel like you are just treading water? So many things stacking up that are negative or "against you"? Well, read on...
I was born into a family of water loving people. My parents taught swimming. My dad was an avid sailor and we all were in the pool well before six weeks of age. I was a lifeguard at 15. In fact, my own child was about three or four weeks old when he kicked his feet in the water... it's who we are. The child dove into the ocean the first time he saw it and he was 17 months old. Luckily my husband caught the back of his jumper. Here is a click I took. LOL
In this family, there is an extraordinary amount of drama and angst. Sigh. Now that my dad is gone, especially the past few days, I've been so overwhelmed and I feel so alone (as in apart from God). I know I'm not... but I have been asking "WHY LORD?" a lot). I was raised by a generation that never shared their feelings. They were children of the Depression (as in The Great Depression) and they were happy for every little thing they had. I get that. I believe in that. But there are days I think, "my God I can not take any more. Please Lord...." You know? I was taught not to give into the angst, but I do sometimes... and then, I start to give up. AND... AND... I get angry with myself. Sigh!!
My mind is so full and things are not getting done; I ran into something with my side mirror (you know, of the car); I forget to pay bills; heck, I am struggling to garner a logical thought as I type this. Since Dad's death, dealing with some family things (not my immediate family, but I can't talk about it), finances are very tight, Marque's back hurts (torn disc) and his hips and knees too, Christopher broke his toe, this bill is due, that person needs help with one thing or another... constant interruptions, constant bombardment with bad news from this way or that...
I feel like I'm drowning in life's anguish. I keep saying "I feel like I am barely treading water". A friend told me to be thankful I know how to tread water. The next day, I saw this Meme:
It made me laugh. Take that evil one. Sigh. I am so thankful for my Guardian Angels. Thank you God. Ok...
I know that God is in control. I know He needs me to trust Him. I know things will get better again and this is a moment in time. And that life is a cycle. I know it... but I'm weary these days. Tomorrow is my first birthday without my daddy. And I was having a big, fat pity party earlier. Hmmph. Dad's death had a delayed reaction. I thought I'd cried and mourned. But this is going to take a while... In fact, his death really just sunk in... I'd been putting "the big cry" off.
Earlier... I found an email from 2014 that he sent to several family members on 10/17/2014, and wished me a happy 53rd birthday. HA The interesting thing is that tomorrow is my 53rd birthday. I don't even remember it being wrong back then. But it was like he (my earthly father) was reminding me that he is with me, in my heart and mind. And it hit me...
If my earthly father is in my heart and mind, how much more is my Heavenly Father in me, with me, and working through me?
Whoever out there needs to hear this - please know God is there with you. Even when you don't know... even when you feel like you are choking on the water all around you and gasping for air... God is there - in the form of a helping hand, a hug, a person to pray with you, a passage you read that sinks in. That is all GOD! I share with you my struggle so you know you are not alone. God wants to comfort you, come to Him!
The evil one wants you to live frought with fear and pain and negative memories... he wants you to harbor resentments and to live life fighting against God's plan for your life.
I want to tell you to keep your head above water, pray, take deep breaths... and even if you sink a little, move your arms and kick your feet... YOU CAN DO IT!
Here is a list of prayers you can pray: EWTN List of Catholic Prayers. And here is one of my favorites when I am struggling and need an ally against my enemies (the devil).
I am praying for you tonight and always.
Hugs & Blessings,